What’s Scary About Being In A Relationship, Part 1

By · Tuesday, November 2nd, 2010

What’s Scary About Being in a Rela­tion­ship? Part 1”

By Dr. Cindy Brown

What’s scary about being in a rela­tion­ship?

I’ll tell you! There are many things we hear from our friends, we see in the news, on TV, or in the lat­est movies such as “Why Did I Get Mar­ried?

AND despite the age-old myth of “you live hap­pi­ly ever after… in bliss,” being in a rela­tion­ship takes some work!  You actu­al­ly do have learn, know and use some rela­tion­ship skills to make it last longer these days. We only know how chal­leng­ing it can be because we see divorce rates soar­ing, our friends are in unsta­ble rela­tion­ships or break­ing up and we see the con­stant pop­u­lar­i­ty of the online-dat­ing revolv­ing door.

So what are some of the chal­lenges peo­ple are hav­ing being in rela­tion­ship?

This is what my friends and clients are reflect­ing to me are their issues…

(1.)Communication: Peo­ple seem to not know how to com­mu­ni­cate with each oth­er with­out push­ing each other’s but­tons. Peo­ple seem to use the wrong lan­guage or tone, which trig­gers anoth­er person’s dor­mant wounds (pos­si­bly repressed or unre­solved issues from child­hood or the past.) In addi­tion, many of us did not have pos­i­tive rela­tion­ship mod­els in our par­ents or care­givers, so we mod­el that which we know. This is not always the health­i­est man­ner in which to com­mu­ni­cate. I coach indi­vid­u­als, exec­u­tives and cou­ples on how to com­mu­ni­cate in a way that gets you the most pos­i­tive results. I also have a prod­uct called Rela­tion­ship Secrets that gives you the rela­tion­ship tech­niques and strate­gies so you will com­mu­ni­cate with suc­cess every time. One of the tech­niques is “active lis­ten­ing,” it’s a way of lis­ten­ing and repeat­ing back what you have heard so the speak­er feels lis­tened to, heard and under­stood and/or val­i­dat­ed by this exer­cise.

(2.)Being Heard and Lis­tened to: One of the biggest com­plaints I hear woman make are that they do not feel heard or lis­tened to by men. Women feel it’s because men don’t know how to lis­ten. I believe that women many times don’t know how to talk to men, SO they WILL LISTEN. Many woman talk to men in a blam­ing or accus­ing way (neg­a­tive tone and lan­guage), often men feel cas­trat­ed when they are talked to in this way and so respond from a defen­sive ani­mal like way. It’s their knee jerk response to being judged, crit­i­cized, and talked at. Women need to learn to talk in a way to help make men feel good first, then men will lis­ten with open ears and open hearts. I teach indi­vid­u­als and cou­ples this secret lan­guage of win-win com­mu­ni­ca­tion. Con­tact me 310–202-1610 when you would like to learn this spe­cial way to talk so men will lis­ten to you and even share with you.

(3.)Finding time to Nur­ture Your­self (pri­vate time): Many peo­ple com­plain that it is dif­fi­cult once you are in a rela­tion­ship to find time to be alone and just take care of your­self. We often have so many things on our plates and it seems many of us put our­selves last when it comes time for tak­ing care of our own needs. Many peo­ple neglect sleep, exer­cise, hygiene, qui­et time, read­ing, think­ing, jour­nal­ing and spir­i­tu­al time once they enter into a rela­tion­ship. When in fact, these very activ­i­ties when com­plet­ed reg­u­lar­ly, would ben­e­fit you and the rela­tion­ship great­ly in the long run. Oth­er activ­i­ties I rec­om­mend are get­ting a mas­sage, facial or mani-pedi, walk­ing on the beach, med­i­tat­ing, yoga and hik­ing.

YES these can be done with anoth­er per­son, how­ev­er when we do activ­i­ties by our­selves, we get the ben­e­fit of turn­ing with­in and lis­ten­ing to our inter­nal voice or com­muning with spir­it (whichev­er is more com­fort­able for you.) When you fill your­self up into a whole-being and then relate with anoth­er whole-being, your rela­tion­ship can be one of shar­ing, not need­ing or tak­ing from each oth­er. This is the health­i­est way to relate.

I have shared 3 of the 6 major chal­lenges peo­ple have in rela­tion­ships today. In my next post I will share part 2; the oth­er 3 impor­tant chal­lenges peo­ple have — Bal­anc­ing your life, Being Sat­is­fied, Com­pro­mise vs. Nar­cis­sism.

Now you too can instant­ly start to improve and imple­ment any of the changes or sug­ges­tions into your life and rela­tion­ship as you see fit.  I hope you find them use­ful and help­ful.

***Remem­ber: In order to be the per­son you have nev­er been, In order to have life and rela­tion­ships you have nev­er had, You must do what you have nev­er done before: Give me a call 310–202-1610 so I can sup­port you in hav­ing the best life you’ve ever had!

© 2007–2009 Dr. Cindy Brown

WOULD YOU LIKE TO USE THIS ARTICLEYou may, as long as you include the fol­low­ing infor­ma­tion along with this arti­cle: Dr. Cindy Brown, author of The Cin­derel­la Sys­tem, helps Women and Men under­stand them­selves bet­ter from the Inside-Out, So You Too can have a Suc­cess­ful Life and Rela­tion­ship Now! Dr. Brown assists you to com­mu­ni­cate your needs bet­ter, teach­es you lis­ten­ing skills, helps you love and accept your body and to give and enjoy plea­sure, all so you can live the amaz­ing, hap­py life you deserve and desire! If you want to have and live the rela­tion­ship and life you real­ly, real­ly want, sub­scribe now to my award win­ning week­ly online newslet­ter Rela­tion­ship Intel­li­gence and get my FR*E Spe­cial Report and Audio Class at www.SuccessfulrelationshipsNow.com

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