Singles & Couples Are You Ready For V-Day?


Singles & Couples Are You Ready For V-Day?”

By Dr. Cindy Brown, “The Relationship Dr.”

February is a winter month where a chill is in the air in many places across the U.S.…however the real chill is -the anticipation (for some people) of a day called Valentine’s Day.

YES Many don’t like this day, especially some singles and even some men!

BUT! There’s also much anticipation from those of us who are in a relationship, that good things are coming soon from our lovers, partners, boyfriends or husbands. Right?

At least you have faith it will turn out how you hoped for!

For those of you single or coupled who have fears, doubts or even dread it…I can help you navigate this time better than before with these tips!

As a behavior specialist and relationship coach for many years, I have heard the issues and problems that seem to arise before, during and after this day from singles and from couples alike. Let’s look at this mixed bag of expectations, feelings, thoughts and problems to help you negotiate and take care of yourself better this February 14th.

For those of you who are single, February can seem daunting and a yearly reminder that you are not coupled; possibly you judge yourself, beat up on yourself. You may even compare yourself to others or even act like the day doesn’t exist to avoid these feelings. I remember for years when I was single, I would “poo poo” the day to my friends, saying “it’s a Hallmark day, or a flowers.com day, a day to make women fat by giving them chocolate, a day to rush out to dinner only to have bad service and marginal food at an expensive restaurant and not get the card or present I wanted or hoped for.” I also used to make myself super busy and even work late on that night, acting like it was just like any other night…sound familiar?

Here’s a few healthy tips for singles to negotiate this Valentine’s Day this year:

1. Use the day to celebrate the beauty in you just as great as you are

2. Schedule a spa day, a massage, “mani-pedi,” facial etc.

3. Invite some other single girls to go out and celebrate being single, happy and beautiful

4. Send yourself flowers at the office or home

5. Write yourself a letter, note or card praising your qualities and beauty

6. Mail yourself the love note or card ahead of the day, so you can open it on the day

7. Crack open a bottle of something you enjoy and toast to you!

8. Buy yourself some lingerie and dance in front of the mirror and/or even wear it under your clothes that day to work for you to feel sassy and sexy!

9. Buy yourself a present and wrap it up and open it that day celebrating you

10.Take a bath and feed yourself chocolate-dipped strawberries, and remember you don’t even
have to share them with anyone but you!

11. Make Valentines Day stand for “Victory Day,” for you being “Ok” being you!

For those of you who are in a relationship you may or may not have had one or more good Valentine’s Day (VD) in the past, however you never know when it will turn sour like your other friends have reported to you. Make sure you have a discussion about this day well in advance with your partner. Be careful not to assume you know what will happen in this VD discussion or on the actual VD. The biggest issue I have with women especially, is they do not talk about it with their partners because they want their mates to surprise them, read their minds and know exactly what would be the perfect gift or surprise. They rarely get it perfect, and what does happen is a lot of disappointment, sadness and sometimes breakups. Let your partner win this VD with you!

To have the best Valentine’s Day for couples here are a few tips to have it turn out great:

1. Discuss with your partner in advance (before it’s too late) how Valentine’s Day can be for both of you two. Some couples trade off each year planning the day or night, even paying for it. Don’t expect it is always up to the guy to make it happen, it’s not just one partners responsibility to please the other!

2. Drop hints about what you’d like throughout the days, weeks, months prior to the day. Guys are sometimes single focused and may welcome reminders if you are kind and loving about it.

3. Make it easy for your partner to get the right gift or choose the right place with visual reminders; send loving emails, with pictures and links for all options

4. Be creative and do something different each year. It doesn’t always have to cost a lot of money. Example; Make your guy his favorite dinner at home, tell him this and hint at what you would like in return. Or have him cook for you, and give him what he really wants after 🙂

5. Give each other massages in a candle-lit, rose pedal draped room.

6. Some couples don’t even celebrate VD because they don’t like the commercialism of the day. Discuss with your mate what is good for both of you as an alternative. Maybe just exchange handmade notes or cards sharing what you love and appreciate about your relationship and each other

7. Celebrate Valentine’s Day at another time when it is less crowded and you have more time, like a Valentine’s weekend. This is what my honey and I have done in the past; a weekend getaway to a local place, we both like a mini-vacation now and then and the vacation intimacy that comes with it:-)

8. Have fun, celebrate your love and relationship and don’t get caught up in material gifts as a determination of the love you share.

9. Focus on what you both can create as a couple and don’t put all the pressure on the man to make it a great day. When he wins, so do you, when you are happy, so is he!

I hope these tips and suggestions will allow you all to have a better V-Day this year, whether you are single or coupled it can be a time of celebration, OR Not. It’s your choice! Please let me know your experiences and any other tips you may have in the comments section below. If you need additional support please call me (310) 202-1610 and also contact us to set up a strategy session so I can  help you. Happy Victory Day!

Remember: In order to be the person you have never been, In order to have the life and relationships you have never had, You must do what you have never done before.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: “Behavior and Relationship Specialist Dr. Cindy Brown  helps individuals and couples to have healthier relationships that include respectful and loving communication, satisfying intimacy and connection, and healthy attachment and autonomy. Dr. Brown provides coaching, educational materials and FREE Resources for you to improve your life and relationships right now! To get started visit www.RealIntimacyNow.com and www.TheCinderellaSystemBook.com

© 2008-2013 Dr. Cindy Brown

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