ARE YOU IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF?
Many of my clients come to me with symptoms of stress, physical pain and issues, anxiety depression and complaining that their lives are not going as planned or what they hoped for at this time in their lives.
DOES ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR TO YOU?
WHY IS THIS SO?
Many of us grow up around critical people (parents, caregivers, siblings, teachers, bosses, coaches) and so we get used to and familiar with negativity towards ourselves and thus begin to repeat that behavior which was demonstrated to us, and thus we end up beating up on ourselves for every little thing we do or don’t do in our lives. We judge and compare ourselves to others and are constantly criticizing ourselves, telling ourselves we are not good enough in some way! Do you realize this ruins your self esteem and ability to move forward and be successful
The good news is that you can reverse this! You ca learn to have a more healthy relationship with yourself and re-program yourself with positive self-talk and healthy patterns and success instead!
My first tool for you is my EMT™ system:
Did you know we all have a “committee” in our psyches made up of different parts; a positive part I call the Healthy or Higher Self (HS)and a Negative part I callthe Sabotager(SAB) and a more immature part I call the Emotional Self (ES). This system is made up of the Emotional Management Technique™ We can use these different parts to help us manage our self-talk, feelings, thoughts, moods, symptoms and lives. We first need to identify each part and get to know them. Awareness of these different parts of us is the first step to control and managing your thoughts, feelings and behavior. You want to 1st practice talking to yourself positively from your HS, not your negative or SAB part. Catch yourself and stop calling yourself negative names or judging or comparing or putting yourself down. STOP all that negative behavior! It just hurts you and your chances for success! ***If you go to my Facebook Fan page and first “Like” my page and then email me with “Send me EMT” in the subject line I will send you the complete EMT program sheet so you can begin to re-program your negative voice immediately.
What’s the difference between abusive self-talk and tough love talk?
You can give yourself some tough love talk or strong suggestions if you first point out what you did well and then follow it up with suggestions for improvement next time. Athletes do this all the time for better success! I often walk around my office at night after a long day of clients and review my day by talking to myself about all the things I did that day that were great and then I often look at what I could have done better, but I do it in a kind loving way. feels much better. WHo wants to be beat-up after a long day of service???? Not me! I want to be rewarded with a “Good Job!!!” 🙂
The other tool I will share with you is my APP for success™:
The A stands for = Awareness-first become aware that you are being abusive and negative with yourself, then choose to change it to supportive and encouraging instead.
The next A stands for ACTION!- You are going to take positive action in one area you seem to beat up on yourself the most (could be finances, body, weight, diet,career etc.)You will complete a few tasks that you could then do the next step.
The P stands for PRAISE! You must now praise yourself for taking action on something you have been unhappy about or beating yourself up about
So now you have a few tools to have a more healthy relationship with yourself. You know what they say …” You attract what you are!” So as soon as you change your attitude and the way you treat and talk to yourself to a more positive relationship, you then will attract more positive and good things in your life; possibly a new job, relationship or money??? The possibilities are endless why not start today??? YES!
Here is the link to a video I made about the same subject, enjoy!
©2011 Dr. Cindy Brown
If you want to reprint this article you can as long as you use this: Dr. Cindy Brown is a international Behavior Specialist, Coach, Author and Speaker who helps people become more aware of their Conscious and Unconscious behaviors in order for there to be powerful and lasting change in their lives. Awareness is always the first step to Change and success. Dr. Brown is available for private coaching and speaking engagements and has many FREE resources available on her websites www.MyCoachDrCindyBrown.com and www.DrCBrown.com