Do You Judge and Beat Yourself Up?

ARE YOU IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF?

Many of my clients come to me with symptoms of stress, physical pain and issues, anxiety depression and complaining that their lives are not going as planned or what they hoped for at this time in their lives.

DOES ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR TO YOU?

WHY IS THIS SO?

Many of us grow up around critical people (parents, caregivers, siblings, teachers, bosses, coaches) and so we get used to and familiar with negativity towards ourselves and thus begin to repeat that behavior which was demonstrated to us, and thus we end up beating up on ourselves for every little thing we do or don’t do in our lives. We judge and compare ourselves to others and are constantly criticizing ourselves, telling ourselves we are not good enough in some way! Do you realize this ruins your self esteem and ability to move forward and be successful

The good news is that you can reverse this! You ca learn to have a more healthy relationship with yourself and re-program yourself with positive self-talk and healthy patterns and success instead!

My first tool for you is my EMT™ system:
Did you know we all have a “committee” in our psyches made up of different parts; a positive part I call the Healthy or Higher Self (HS)and a Negative part I call

the Sabotager(SAB) and a more immature part I call the Emotional Self (ES). This system is made up of the Emotional Management Technique™ We can use these different parts to help us manage our self-talk, feelings, thoughts, moods, symptoms and lives. We first need to identify each part and get to know them. Awareness of these different parts of us is the first step to control and managing your thoughts, feelings and behavior. You want to 1st practice talking to yourself positively from your HS, not your negative or SAB part. Catch yourself and stop calling yourself negative names or judging or comparing or putting yourself down. STOP all that negative behavior! It just hurts you and your chances for success! ***If you go to my Facebook Fan page and first “Like” my page and then email me with “Send me EMT” in the subject line I will send you the complete EMT program sheet so you can begin to re-program your negative voice immediately.

What’s the difference between abusive self-talk and tough love talk?
You can give yourself some tough love talk or strong suggestions if you first point out what you did well and then follow it up with suggestions for improvement next time. Athletes do this all the time for better success! I often walk around my office at night after a long day of clients and review my day by talking to myself about all the things I did that day that were great and then I often look at what I could have done better, but I do it in a kind loving way. feels much better. WHo wants to be beat-up after a long day of service???? Not me! I want to be rewarded with a “Good Job!!!” 🙂

The other tool I will share with you is my APP for success™:
The A stands for = Awareness
-first become aware that you are being abusive and negative with yourself, then choose to change it to supportive and encouraging instead.
The next A stands for ACTION!- You are going to take positive action in one area you seem to beat up on yourself the most (could be finances, body, weight, diet,career etc.)You will complete a few tasks that you could then do the next step.
The P stands for PRAISE! You must now praise yourself for taking action on something you have been unhappy about or beating yourself up about

So now you have a few tools to have a more healthy relationship with yourself. You know what they say …” You attract what you are!” So as soon as you change your attitude and the way you treat and talk to yourself to a more positive relationship, you then will attract more positive and good things in your life; possibly a new job, relationship or money??? The possibilities are endless why not start today??? YES!

Here is the link to a video I made about the same subject, enjoy!

©201-2014 Dr. Cindy Brown

If you want to reprint this article you can as long as you use this: Dr. Cindy Brown is a international Behavior Specialist, Coach, Author and Speaker who helps people become more aware of their Conscious and Unconscious behaviors in order for there to be powerful and lasting change in their lives. Awareness is always the first step to Change and success. Dr. Brown is available for private coaching and speaking engagements and has many FREE resources available on her websites www.MyCoachDrCindyBrown.com and www.DrCBrown.com

 

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Reduce Your Stress Instantly with These Quick Tools!!

Are you one of those people who are constantly stressed?

Do you let the situations around you take hold of you and stop you from being happy or having a peaceful fulfilling life? Do you react negatively at home, work or with your friends and family?

Well many people are just like you!

These days I see so many folks are caught up in a vicious cycle of reacting to the many things and responsibilities they have on their plate, as well as fear and uncertainty, rather than focussing on solutions and acting on them to change their situation and improve their lives quickly.

Here’s a few quick tips to get you started on changing this cycle:

1.) When you first sense stress, imbalance, STOP and ask yourself 2 questions, and listen to the answers your inner voice and knowledge gives you- “What is going on with me right now? And What am I feeling?

2.) Acknowledge what you have heard (don’t judge or put yourself down, as this stops the process and causes more stress.) Instead thank that part of you that shared this wisdom with you and offer some love and support to yourself by asking yourself 1 more question- “What do you need from me in order to feel differently, better, happier, less scared etc?” Then listen to what you need to do, say or be for that emotional part of you that is feeling stressed or off balance.

3.) Now follow through ASAP and do, be or say what it is you need to in order to help yourself get back to balance and happiness.

4.) Bonus: Now Ask out loud this question to the Universe(or God) “Universe or God, what would it take for_________________to happen and for me to be __________?” Now listen and be available to see what shows up in your life to fulfill what you are asking and desiring. It’s not your job to figure this out, or how it will happen, only to ask and let the universe or God Show you. Remember the saying you learned- “Ask and you shall receive.”

Tuning into what you need, asking yourself questions, listening to your inner voice and wisdom and acting on that wisdom, and asking the universe or God for what you desire is the quickest way to restoring happiness and having a fulfilled blessed life.

You have the power to change any situation and your life right now! So stop living in Insanity and doing the same things and expecting different results! If you have challenges and need a Coach or therapist to guide you through this process, please feel free to call me 310-202-1610 0r contact me through my contact page email form. I am here to assist you in having a great life now!

Life is here to be Lived, Suffering is optional!

©2012-2014 Dr. Cindy Brown

If you want to reprint this article you can as long as you use this: Dr. Cindy Brown is a international Behavior Specialist, Coach, Author and Speaker who helps people become more aware of their Conscious and Unconscious thoughts, emotions and behaviors in order for there to be powerful and lasting change in their lives. Awareness is always the first step to Change and Success. Dr. Brown is available for private coaching and speaking engagements and has many FREE resources available on her websites www.MyCoachDrCindyBrown.com and www.DrCBrown.com


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How To Complete Stuff You Have Put Off Doing

Do you have a list either in your head or on endless pieces of paper that is ongoing, of stuff you have wanted to do, but keep putting off doing?

Well you are not alone!

We all have stuff we “seem” to want to do, but we continually find this thing we need to do or complete on our lists and not completed (including myself and my many coaching and therapy clients.)

Why is this you say? This is the million dollar question!

Well here is the million dollar explanation and 4 tips to complete all those tasks and/or goals that you don’t seem to be able to check off on your “to do” lists.

One reason is that we may only complete tasks we want to, or need to, that have a pleasurable payoff; meaning- we move towards pleasure and avoid pain or discomfort. You will complete tasks that are more fun or comfortable before others that are not. Examples: You may only pay your bills to avoid paying a late charge, you may only do your laundry when you have no underwear or socks left, you may only cold call some potential new clients when you are running out of money or your client base is shrinking, you may only lose weight if you need to go to a reunion, wedding or if your doctor has told you you may be risking your health or even death eventually! When the payoff is high and the comfort or fun level is higher we seem to complete tasks more easily!

So then we must make the tasks we have procrastinated on but want to or need to complete more fun, more pleasurable with a bigger payoff to us!

My Tips for completing tasks: (1.) Do less fun tasks before you do more pleasurable tasks: Make your cold calls, pay your bills, make important phone calls, before you visit FaceBook or post to your blog or watch your favorite T.V. show.


(2.) Give yourself a reward after you complete a task that you have been procrastinating on to motivate you to complete it; after you sort through your accounting papers and receipts to send to your accountant, buy yourself a small gift, treat yourself to Pinkberry yogurt….yum! Or go out for a workout or walk, (now if any of these rewards I’ve mentioned here are your addiction- food, shopping, etc., then I wouldn’t want you to use that as your reward, pick a healthy reward for you, that motivates you, but isn’t your addiction!)
(3.) Force yourself to do one thing you don’t want to (but need to), or feel uncomfortable doing each day as a habit. Creating daily habits makes it easier to do things each day, example- brushing your teeth, exercising, cleaning up your desk around the house each day. You don’t think about the task, you just do it because it’s a habit! Your negative or “talking you out of thoughts” don’t persuade you not to do it. 
(4.)**Most Important- Praise yourself, use self-talk to give yourself a pat on the back after you have completed your task successfully. Yes we ALL need this step! YES! All of us! This step is challenging for some people who have not learned to accept positive feedback from anybody, including themselves (maybe you think it is dumb, I shouldn’t need it, you learned that this would mean you are conceded or any other false or learned belief.) If you are one of these people you need to call me for a coaching session. Research has shown that successful people (athletes, business people, students, entrepreneurs, etc.,) praise themselves and use positive self-talk as a vehicle for self-empowerment and goal achievement.

So these are just a few of the most important tips I can share with you to help you accomplish your tasks you have put off doing for so long. I know you will find them helpful and useful if you use them. If you need additional assistance in this area, please contact me for a session. Also leave a comment below with your success tips and stories. I’d love to hear from you!

To Your Success with Love! <3
© 2011-2014 Dr. Cindy Brown
WOULD YOU LIKE TO USE THIS ARTICLE? You may, as long as you include the following information along with this article: Dr. Cindy Brown, helps Women and Men understand themselves better from the Inside-Out, So You Too Can Have a Successful Life Now! Dr. Brown assists you to manage your emotions and reactions better, communicate your needs more efficiently, teaches you life and relationship skills, all so you can live the amazing, happy life you deserve and desire! If you want to have and live the relationship and life you really, really want, subscribe now to my award winning weekly Blog and get my free resources at www.DrCBrown.com

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Stress Relief Tips

Stress is a perceived issue many people have because of how they experience and “Do” or behave in the world, their lives, tasks, responsibilities around them.

You can work on not perceiving your world stressful, then you will have less or even no stress, depending how often you practice particular ways of reducing your stress:

1. Think Twice:

Your conscious mind will automatically respond to what you perceive in front of you or think about according to what you have previously experienced in your past, and our collective unconscious(what everyone else has experienced). Your mind will search for meaning and then you will automatically have a reaction. It takes deliberate practice then to think again to have a less meaningful response…less stress! And then you can CHOOSE a different calmer response and your body will feel peace!

2. Organize your life in a Balanced Manner:

We can have less stress when we balance our lives with many options: work, personal time, family time, exercise, friends, activities, community & charity and quiet contemplation time and planning time. The least stressful people or those that plan there life where they have opportunities for different activities in an calm organized manner. Hire a life coach or therapist to help you if you have difficulty with this concept and the actual planning of your time and life.

3. Choose Love instead of Negative Thoughts and Emotions:

Negative thoughts and emotions toxify our bodies, lives and world. They emit stress hormones that age us more rapidly and interfere with our immune system. Where as when we are happy, joyful and loving to ourselves and others we receive an injection of feel good hormones such as Oxytocin and a change in our neurotransmitters such as Serotonin that helps us feel less down and more happy! This is a practice of catching our “ill” feelings and being able to see people (even ourselves) as spiritual beings having a human experience- where we are learning and growing and sometimes make mis-takes and/or don’t know any better. Choose compassion, humility, understanding, curiosity, Like, love and ask yourself the question “There must me a be a good reason for this?” before you choose to toxify yourself and the world with your negative thinking and feelings. Choose Love, One love!

There are many ways to Live in a Stress Free World. These are just a few of them. I will be sharing more in the coming months stay tuned! Remember: In order to be the person you have never been, in order to have the life and relationships you have never had, You must do what you have never done before: Give me a call 310-202-1610 or email me at info@DrCBrown.com so I can support you further!

© 2011 Dr. Cindy Brown

WOULD YOU LIKE TO USE THIS ARTICLE? You may, as long as you include the following information along with this article: Dr. Cindy Brown, author of The Cinderella System, helps Women and Men understand themselves better from the Inside-Out, So You Too Can Have a Successful Life and Relationship Now! Dr. Brown assists you to manage your emotions and reactions better, communicate your needs more efficiently, teaches you relationship skills, all so you can live the amazing, happy life you deserve and desire! If you want to have and live the relationship and life you really, really want, subscribe now to my award winning weekly Blog and get my FR*E Special Report at www.DrCBrown.com

 

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How to Create What You Want in the New Year: Fail to Plan, Plan to Fail!

“How to Create What You Want in this New Year: Fail to Plan, Plan to Fail!”

By Dr. Cindy Brown

Why would you set off on a Journey without a map, plan, and vision of where you want to end up?

Adventure you say?…Well that’s like closing your eyes and just hoping you will hit the bull’s-eye in darts, when you Really, Really WANT to hit the center. Adventure may be fun when you have nothing to lose, you have all the money you desire AND all the time to waste.

However, if you have important desires and goals you want to accomplish NOW, I know you know you will need a roadmap and your energy put towards your ultimate goal of getting what you desire.

Research shows repeatedly that people who spend time to map out their goals and visions and spend the time to do the things to make them happen, get to their planned destination, accomplish their goals and have what they desire in their lives faster and easier.

Here are some helpful ways of creating that trail map to get you moving towards your vision and creating what you desire.

I. Inventory the previous year  (your last map or plan)

Allow yourself some time to explore these questions; put music on, meditate, pray or think about each one and write down what you find.

• What did you accomplish? What are you proud of?

• What are you thankful for?

• What did you not complete that you wanted to?

• How different do you want this next year 2012 to look like?

II. Vision for Manifestation: Stay in that contemplative, meditative place and imagine yourself in the present year, walking through a forest path and you

come across a bridge to a beautiful meadow and garden with a big pond. You bend down to look into this pond and you see your reflection and you begin seeing your present year of 2012 flash in front of you; the things you accomplish, the goals you complete, the relationships you have; all the good and maybe even the challenges…flash forward it is New Years eve this year. You are looking at your goal sheet and you are reading off all your completed goals to a gathering of your most supportive and loving friends. They are smiling at you and clapping in celebration of your accomplishments. You feel the expanding joy inside you! ☺

III. PLAN NOW! Or Plan to Fail!

•Write down right now what you saw…what was the big picture, what were you doing, what did you accomplish, what were you feeling???

•Now write down 1-3 goals in each of these categories you want to complete: Personal/Psychological, Health/wellness, Job/career, Financial, Spiritual, Social/Relationships, Family, Community/charity. I have a great worksheet for this if you schedule a New Years clarity session with me.

So you have your goals written down in each category…

IV. Write a completion date next to each one to give yourself an end point to work towards. Now rewrite each goal as if it has already happened. For example: if your goal is to have a romantic partner by May 20xx. You would rewrite it as- It is May 31s,t 20xx and I am walking hand-in-hand with my partner as we walk along the beach. I am so happy and grateful we have each other. This positive expression of your goals creates a path for the desire and tells the universe it is already done.

V. Now write these statements you have constructed on note cards and read them each day and night. As you read them let yourself feel the feelings and qualities that would accompany having that goal met as if you are having it right then; see it, feel it, taste it, hear it etc.

VI. Now Take action each day towards that goal being fulfilled. Create a task list for each goal and each day choose to do some of these tasks to get you closer to your dreams. As you are completing your tasks, make sure you praise yourself and feel the feelings associated with fully receiving that goal intended…REMEMBER the universe doesn’t know the difference between just your positive thoughts and feelings and reality. According to the “Law of attraction-” like energy attracts like energy. So the more time you stay in the positive feelings and thoughts and actions associated with your goal, the more likely you will create it.

***Bonus: Work through any of your negative thoughts, feelings, beliefs or inhibitors so they don’t interfere with this process. You may have conflict in your life, challenges receiving good, a belief you don’t deserve or that you never could have something, negative people around you, or you exist in negative and not suportive positive surroundings. You may need to clean house, let some old stuff and beliefs go to be able to receive something new in your life. You may need a coach/therapist like me to help you with this.

Remember: In order to be the person you have never been, In order to have the life and relationships you have never had, You must do what you have never done before: Give me a call or contact me so I can assist you in having the best life you’ve ever had!

© 2012-2015 Dr. Cindy Brown

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Behavior and Relationship Specialist Dr. Cindy Brown helps you become aware of your life patterns and behaviors that are blocking you from having what you truly desire. If you’re ready to change your life and relationships contact me so we can get started creating your extraordinary life! Get your FREE success tips at www.DrCBrown.com and www.MyCoachDrCindyBrown.com

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Singles & Couples Are You Ready For V-Day?

Singles & Couples Are You Ready For V-Day?” By Dr. Cindy Brown,

February is a winter month where a chill is in the air in many places across the U.S.…however the real chill is -the anticipation (for some people) of a day called Valentine’s Day.

YES Many don’t like this day, especially some singles and even some men!

BUT! There’s also much anticipation(and maybe some stress) from those who are in a relationship, that good things are coming soon from your lovers, partners, boyfriends or husbands. Right?

At least you have faith it will turn out how you hoped for???

For those of You Single or Coupled Who Have Fears, Doubts or even DREAD it...I Can Help You navigate this time better than ever before with these tips! READ ON…

As a behavior specialist and relationship coach for many years, I have heard the issues and problems that seem to arise before, during and after this day from singles and from couples alike. Let’s look at this mixed bag of expectations, feelings, thoughts and problems to help you negotiate and take care of yourself better this February 14th.

For those of you who are single, February can seem daunting and a yearly reminder that you are not coupled; possibly you judge yourself, beat up on yourself. You may even compare yourself to others, or even act like the day doesn’t exist or matter to avoid these feelings. I

remember for many years being single, I would “poo poo” the day to my friends, saying “it’s a Hallmark day, or a flowers.com day, a day to make women fat by giving them chocolate, a day to rush out to dinner only to have bad service and marginal food at an expensive restaurant and not get the card or present I wanted or hoped for.” I also used to make myself super busy and even work late on that night, acting like it was just like any other night…sound familiar?

Here’s a few healthy tips for singles to negotiate this Valentine’s Day this year:

1. Use the day to celebrate the beauty in you just as great as you are

2. Schedule a spa day, a massage, “mani-pedi,” facial etc.

3. Invite some other single girls to go out and celebrate being single, happy and beautiful

4. Send yourself flowers at the office or home

5. Write yourself a Love letter, note or card praising your qualities and beauty

6. Mail yourself the Love note or card ahead of the day, so you can open it on the day

7. Crack open a bottle of something you enjoy and toast to you!

8. Buy yourself some lingerie and dance in front of the mirror and/or even wear it under your clothes that day, or all week to work, so you can feel and celebrate your sexy, sassy YOU!

9. Buy yourself a present and wrap it up and open it that day celebrating you

10.Take a bath and feed yourself chocolate-dipped strawberries, and remember you don’t even have to share them with anyone but you!

11. Make Valentines Day stand for “Victory Day,” for You Being “Ok” Being Uniquely You!

For those of you who are in a relationship you may or may not have had one or more good Valentine’s Day (VD) in the past, however you never know when it will turn sour like your other friends have reported to you. Make sure you have a discussion about this day well in advance with your partner. Be careful not to assume you know what will happen in this VD discussion or on the actual VD. The biggest issue I have with women especially, is they do not talk about it with their partners because they want their mates to surprise them, read their minds and know exactly what would be the perfect gift or surprise. They rarely get it perfect, and what does happen is a lot of disappointment, sadness and sometimes breakups. Let your partner win this VD with you!

To have the best Valentine’s Day for couples here are a few tips to have it turn out great:

1. Discuss with your partner in advance (before it’s too late) how Valentine’s Day can be for both of you two. Some couples trade off each year planning the day or night, even paying for it. Don’t expect it is always up to the guy to make it happen, it’s not just one partners responsibility to please the other!

2. Drop hints about what you’d like throughout the days, weeks, months prior to the day. Guys are sometimes single focused and may welcome reminders if you are kind and loving about it.

3. Make it easy for your partner to get the right gift or choose the right place with visual reminders; send loving emails, with pictures and links for all options

4. Be creative and do something different each year. It doesn’t always have to cost a lot of money. Example; Make your guy his favorite dinner at home, tell him this and hint at what you would like in return. Or have him cook for you, and give him what he really wants after 🙂

5. Give each other massages in a candle-lit, rose pedal draped room.

6. Some couples don’t even celebrate VD because they don’t like the commercialism of the day. Discuss with your mate what is good for both of you as an alternative. Maybe just exchange handmade notes or cards sharing what you love and appreciate about your relationship and each other

7. Celebrate Valentine’s Day at another time when it is less crowded and you have more time, like a Valentine’s weekend. This is what my honey and I have done in the past; a weekend getaway to a local place, we both like a mini-vacation now and then and the vacation intimacy that comes with it:-)

8. Have fun, celebrate your love and relationship and don’t get caught up in material gifts as a determination of the love you share.

9. Focus on what you both can create as a couple and don’t put all the pressure on the man to make it a great day. When he wins, so do you, when you are happy, so is he!

I hope these tips and suggestions will allow you all to have a better V-Day this year, whether you are single or coupled it can be a time of celebration, OR Not. It’s your choice! Please let me know your experiences and any other tips you may have in the comments section below. If you need additional support please call me (310) 202-1610 and also contact us to set up a strategy session so I can  help you. Happy Victory Day!

Remember: In order to be the person you have never been, In order to have the life and relationships you have never had, You must do what you have never done before.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: “Behavior and Relationship Specialist Dr. Cindy Brown  helps individuals and couples to have healthier relationships that include respectful and loving communication, satisfying intimacy and connection, and healthy attachment and autonomy. Dr. Brown provides coaching, educational materials and FREE Resources for you to improve your life and relationships right now! To get started visit www.RealIntimacyNow.com and www.TheCinderellaSystemBook.com

© 2008-2015 Dr. Cindy Brown

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“Are You Afraid of Valentine’s day?”

Are you one of those people who dreads Valentines Day? Are you afraid it
will not turn out exactly the way you want it to? Are you sick of all the hype and materialism and emphasis on what you are doing, where you are eating and what he/she will buy you? OR Are you Single and wish it will all just go away this year? Well I would like to help you change your attitude this Valentine’s Day with a few simple strategies I teach my individual and couple clients, READ On…

Whether You Are in Relationship, or You Are Single (see #5), it really can be a
nice time to Celebrate YOU and love and caring for yourself, or each other, instead of all the hype! BUT! You need to be sensitive about expectations, feelings, fears, wants and individual needs. Let’s look at the different ways you can make it a “Win Win” for Everyone!

1. Start out by initiating a conversation about Valentine’s Day today, this
week (with yourself and/or with your partner)! It’s possible he/she hasn’t even focused on it yet, or forgot it is next week, or forgot on purpose to avoid uncomfortable feelings that he/she is not even conscious of. Don’t react to this, simply be pleasant and encourage a loving, calm conversation. Explore gently what expectations either of you have about; the day(or choose another day that’s less crowded) or evening or either; gifts or no gifts; trips or stay at home, etc. and start to understand the tone of what your partner is feeling at this time about the event, so you can know how to proceed next.

2. Once you have explored #1 and you feel he/she is open to your suggestions, give your partner a list of choices of items you’d like; places you would like to go, food you would like to eat, activities you’d like to do- in all price ranges, add some things he/she could do that would cost him/her nothing(do the laundry, go for a hike together, give you a massage, cook at your home etc.)

3. Be specific about colors, flavors, restaurant names, times of the day, activities. *Do not be vague or mysterious, or try to have him/her guess or surprise you- this usually leads to unfulfilled expectations and upset (my Relationship Secrets Product has a whole section on upset.) Help your partner be successful, help yourself be fulfilled and happy…BE SPECIFIC and detailed!

3. As far as wanting clothing as a gift- go try it on and give him/her sizes, colors, style of clothing, name of store, or go put it on hold with your name, tell the store clerk who will pick it up.*DON’T GIVE HIM/HER A RANDOM CLOTHING ARTICLE AND EXPECT HIM/HER TO FIND IT AND GET THE RIGHT SIZE! This can be a disaster!

4. Remember to ask your partner the same, what does he/she want as well. Please don’t expect it is your special day. Your partner wants to feel loved, appreciated and special as well (or maybe Not! 🙂

5. If You Are Not in Relationship, treat yourself to a wonderful day of Love, pampering and Celebrating You! Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be just about two people in a relationship. Celebrate the relationship you have, or want to have With Yourself!  Love You! Celebrate You, Your beauty, Your essence, Your being! Gather some friends and have a Love Yourself party!

The times I have been single over the years, I would buy myself; a big bouquet of flowers (days before to avoid the inflated prices,) a SMALL box of chocolates (so to watch my girlish figure), give myself a good foot massage or book a massage. I even bought some sexy lingerie for myself and wore it to work that day under my business suit:) . Nobody knew, but I felt sexy! **Don’t’ forget to celebrate YOU! You are important whether or not anybody else acknowledges that or not, You need to acknowledge yourself. I know you will feel better if you do!

I am hoping these suggestions will allow you to have a better Valentine’s Day this year, whether you are single or coupled, it can be a time of celebration of loving yourself. Please let me know about your experiences and any other tips you may have that I missed. If you need additional coaching and support please call me and we can set up a session to help you. Happy VD!

Remember: In order to be the person you have never been, In order to
have the life and relationships you have never had, You must do what you have never done before: Give me a call or contact me 310-202-1610 so I can support you further!

© 2007-2015 Dr. Cindy Brown

WOULD YOU LIKE TO USE THIS ARTICLE? You may, as long as you include the following information along with this article:

Dr. Cindy Brown, author of The Cinderella System, helps Women and Men understand themselves better from the Inside-Out. Dr. Brown assists you to manage your emotions and reactions better, communicate your needs more efficiently, teaches you relationship skills, all so you can live and have the amazing, happy life and relationships you deserve and desire! If you want to change your life, subscribe now to my award winning weekly online Blog- Relationship Intelligence to get great articles and video tips that will assist you in having the life of your dreams! Go to: www.DrCBrown.com for lots more good stuff!

 

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How To Communicate With Children After A Disaster or Trauma

How To Communicate with Children after a Community Disaster, Violent Incident or Trauma 

By Dr. Cindy Brown, Psychotherapist and Author

Parents and caregivers may be uncertain about how to assist children after a traumatic incident in their community or in the world. Children may be curious and may also be scared or concerned about what they have heard or witnessed in their community or in another community, especially after a violent incident where people have been harmed or killed. Children look to their caregivers for comfort, love, safely and to make sense of confusing things in the world. I wrote this article to help parents and caregivers feel more comfortable and be able to soothe and help children make sense of their thoughts, fears and feelings regarding community and world disasters and trauma.

To begin with, for small children under 10 years I would limit their exposure to any news on TV, Internet or social media and instead talk with your children with the guidelines I list below. Children over 10 years old could watch the news with their parents, if the parents will be available to their children to answer questions and help them process all their feelings.

Parents please honor and validate all your child’s feelings regardless if you feel the same way or not. Do not belittle, put down, judge, shutdown or ignore a child’s feelings. Allow for their feelings in a safe accepting way. Children may express feelings by sharing verbally and/or they may repress and avoid sharing because they feel uncomfortable or

don’t feel safe talking with you about them. They instead may act out their feelings in various ways; getting angry, being moody picking fights, rocking, numbing out to TV or other media, eating, or not eating, sleeping changes, being silent or depressed and/or breaking toys.

Don’t force a child to talk or share with you if they aren’t doing so freely themselves, instead communicate to them by saying- ”Today’s incident (at that elementary school or  etc., add the incident name here ) you may be curious about or may have questions for me, I want you to know I Love you and am here for you to feel safe and supported if you need me. Please let me know if you need to talk, share or ask me questions about what happened today. I will always be here to listen and care for you” Many children who may not open up right away, may open up later after you just let them know you are available.

 Here are a few additional tips for parents and caregivers to assist in communication with children and processing feelings:

1.Listen to what your child is sharing and/or asking you and try to give them basic information, but not too detailed as to scare or frighten them more than they may already be.

2.Be aware of your child’s behavior after an event, pay attention to their needs and wants. They may need to be hugged and cuddled or tucked in more than usual. They may be anxious when they go to sleep, may need a light on or to sleep close to a parent until their fear, lessens. They may be very uncertain and frightened to go to school. You may need to accommodate your child until he/she is feeling safer. Just be aware of any changes in their behavior.

3.To help your children feel less scared and to feel safe; first ask them what they are afraid of, assure them that you will help them feel safe at home and out in the community. Be careful what you allow children to see in the media as well as your own behavior.

4.To help a child process his/her fear, have them share what they are feeling and thinking and needing to feel better and safer, really listen to their questions, have them draw out with crayons or markers what they feel or are afraid of. Let them share with you their drawing as a therapeutic tool for them to process their feelings

5.Call a professional to assist you in this process if you feel uncertain how to comfort your child. Please don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed to reach out for support to get help. Many parents do not know how to help their children with trauma. But we are trained to do so and we won’t judge you, we just want to comfort you and your children, that’s our goal!

I hope this article helps answer your questions and comfort the process of helping your child feel better and safer. Please contact me if you have any questions or need assistance with this process or your own, www.DrCBrown.com or on Facebook or Twitter search keyword drcindybrown

©2012 Dr. Cindy Brown

You May Reprint This Article, As Long As You Include This Whole Bio:  Dr. Cindy Brown is an experienced family therapist and has worked with children, parents and caregivers who have experienced trauma for over 20+ years. She provides a safe place where people can share what’s on their minds and the fears and trauma they have experienced in a healing and heartfelt environment. Dr. Brown knows how to help a person heal from various incidents and trauma, because she too has experienced and healed from various traumas in her life. Counseling allows you and your child a place workout confusing and uncomfortable thoughts and feelings in the comfort of an experienced professional that provides tools and techniques to manage your feelings in a healthy way. To Contact Dr. Brown www.DrCBrown.com or on Facebook or Twitter search keyword drcindybrown

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Does Your Relationship need some Spring Cleaning?

“Spring Cleaning for Your Relationship(s)”

Spring is seasonally a time of new beginnings for plants and animals. It’s also a time for humans to start assessing what has happened previously in the first quarter and to determine if you want to continue that for the rest of the year.

I think it’s a great time as well to look at your relationship(s) and cleanup, or clean out what is not working and plant something new that will grow and harvest throughout the rest of the year. Here are some steps you can take that can help you clean-up your relationships so they are more fulfilling:

Take an Inventory: Ask yourself right now- is your relationship the way you want it to be? Look at your personal as well as your relationships at the office and with friends and family. Be honest with yourself, dig deeper, this is the first step to creating change and having the relationship of your dreams!

Write a list of all the things, issues you don’t like in the relationship. The issues you are angry or frustrated about, The things you are not getting or that you want instead, The things that dishonor you, The issues that take away your ability to be loving or kind to the other person.

Prioritize each issue you’d like to discuss and change using a range of  1-10; 1 being most important, to 10 being least important. Determine for yourself what issues are the most urgent or most important to your happiness and the success of the relationship? Write this number next to each one so you will know what to discuss first.

Arrange a time to discuss your list with the person involved in the relationship with you. Make sure you ask to discuss this list with love and/or kindness and compassion. First describing to that person what you want to say and do, how long it will take and then asking what time that person will be available for this. This way the person is prepared and has agreed and hopefully will be more open to listening and participating in this discussion.

Hire a Relationship Specialist and Coach like me to help you with all of the above if you can’t do it yourself. I will help you discover your challenges and needs, create your list, help you discuss together the different issues and challenges you may have, teach you communication and listening skills and lastly help you both create a plan for change and support you through that growing, learning and moving forward phases.

Learn new tips and skills from a variety of great relationship experts and books from these recommended authors – Pia Mellody, Terrence Real, Dr. Phil and me- Dr. Cindy Brown, Purchase my Relationship Cd & Guidebook and Cinderella System book and program and work with all the exercises and tools I share with you for your greatest success. Sign up for Relationship Coaching, or Intensives to renew your relationship feelings, discover issues and challenges and learn new skills and tips for successful relationships now!. Visit my websites for all of these great resources and a FREE Special Report.

These are just a few steps you can immediately take during this Spring Cleaning-up your Relationships Season so you can have more successful and fulfilling relationships NOW! There are more advanced strategies you can participate in, however these are the beginning steps you must explore and do, so the floor is clean enough to move forward. Happy Cleaning-up!

Remember: In order to be the person you have never been, in order to have the life and relationships you have never had, You must do what you have never done before: Give me a call 310-202-1610 or email me at info@DrCBrown.com so I can support you further!

© 2007-2011 Dr. Cindy Brown

WOULD YOU LIKE TO USE THIS ARTICLE? You may, as long as you include the following information along with this article: Dr. Cindy Brown, author of The Cinderella System, helps Women and Men understand themselves better from the Inside-Out, So You Too Can Have a Successful Life and Relationship Now! Dr. Brown assists you to manage your emotions and reactions better, communicate your needs more efficiently, teaches you relationship skills, all so you can live the amazing, happy life you deserve and desire! If you want to have and live the relationship and life you really, really want, subscribe now to my award winning weekly Blog and get my FR*E Special Report at www.DrCBrown.com

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R U Ready For VD?

“Are You Ready For the BIG V.D.!”

By Dr. Cindy Brown

February is a winter month where a chill is in the air in many places across the U.S (but not yet here in So Cal we are still having summer weather).…this chill is the anticipation of a day called Valentine’s Day. Many don’t like the day, especially SINGLES and even some MEN. However there is also much anticipation from those of you who are in love (at least the women are hopeful), that good things are coming soon from your lovers, partners, boyfriends or husbands. At least you have faith it will turn out how you dreamed of! I can help you ALL! Read on…

Being a behavior specialist and relationship coach for many years, I have heard the issues and problems that seem to arise before, during and after this day from singles and from couples alike. Let’s look at this mixed bag of expectations, feelings and thoughts to help you negotiate and take care of yourself better this February. Here are some tips for singles and for couples, keep reading to get all the tips.

For those of you who are single, February can seem daunting and a yearly reminder that you are not coupled; possibly you judge yourself, beat up on yourself. You may even compare yourself to others or even act like the day doesn’t exist. I remember for years when I was single, I would “poo poo” the day to my friends, saying “it’s a Hallmark day, or a flowers.com day, a day to make women fat by giving them chocolate, a day to rush out to dinner only to have bad service and marginal food at an expensive restaurant and not get the card or present I wanted or hoped for.” I also used to make myself super busy and even work late on that night, acting like it was just like any other night…sound familiar!

Here are a few healthy tips for singles to negotiate this V.D. this year:

1.   Use the day to celebrate the beauty in you, just as you are!

2.   Schedule a spa day, a massage, “mani-pedi,”  facial etc.

3.   Invite some other single girls to go out and celebrate being single, happy and beautiful

4.   Send yourself flowers at the office or home. Write yourself a letter, note or card praising your qualities and beauty

5.   Mail yourself a love note or card

6.   Crack open a bottle of something you enjoy and toast to you

7.   Buy yourself some lingerie and dance in front of the mirror.

8.   Buy yourself a present and wrap it up and open it celebrating you

9.Take a bath and feed yourself chocolate-dipped strawberries, and you don’t have to share them with anyone but you!

10. Make Valentines Day stand for your Victory Day!

For those of you who are in a relationship you may or may not be anticipating good times…it depends on your history. Some of you new couples (like Andrew & me) have had one or more good Valentine’s day (V.D), however you never know when it will turn sour like your girlfriends have reported to you. Make sure you have a discussion about this day well in advance with your partner. Be careful not to assume you know what will happen in this V.D. discussion or on the actual V.D. The biggest issue I have with women especially, is they do not talk about it with their partners because they want their mates to surprise them and read their minds. This rarely happens and what does happen is a lot of disappointment, sadness and sometimes break-ups. Let your partner win this V.D. with you.

To have the best Valentine’s day for couples here’s are a few tips to have it turn out great:

1.   Drop hints about what you like/want throughout the days weeks months prior to the day. Guys are single focused and welcome reminders if you are kind and loving about it.

2.   Guys need visual reminders; send emails, cut out pictures, create a list

3.   Discuss with your partner how Valentine’s Day can be for you two. Some couples trade off each year planning the day or night, even paying for it.

4.   Be creative and do something different each year. It doesn’t always have to cost a lot of money. Make your guy his favorite dinner at home, tell him this and hint at what you would like in return. Or have him cook for you, and give him what he really wants after J

5.   Give each other massages in a candle-lit, rose pedal draped room

6.   Some couples don’t even celebrate it because they don’t like the commercialism of the day. Discuss with your mate what is good for both of you.

7.   Celebrate Valentine’s Day at another time or on another weekend when it is less crowded and you may pay less money and have more private time.  This is what Andrew and I did one year; a weekend getaway to Palm Desert, we both needed a mini- vacation, not just a day to celebrate and this vacation intimacy really was what we needed! 🙂

8.   Have fun, celebrate your love and relationship and don’t get caught up in material gifts as a determination of the love you share

9.   Focus on what you both can create as a couple and don’t put all the pressure on the man to make it a great day. When he wins, so do you, When you are happy, so is he!

I am hoping these tips and suggestions will allow you to have a better Valentines Day this year, whether you are single or coupled it can be a time of celebration, OR NOT! If you need extra support for communication and relationship tools and techniques, give me a call so I can help you. You don’t have to keep struggling! Call me and I guarantee you will get BIG results in the first session. What are you waiting for?

Remember: In order to be the person you have never been, In order to have the life and relationships you have never had, You must do what you have never done before: Give me a call 310-202-1610 or email me so I can support you further!

© 2008-2011 Dr. Cindy Brown

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it:

Behavior and Relationship Specialist and Coach Dr. Cindy Brown, author of The Cinderella System™ and Co-author in Power and Soul publishes a information-packed weekly online blog newsletter with 1000’s of subscribers. If you’re ready to jump-start your life and relationships professionally and/or personally, get the support you need now from a professional that gets you the results you want FAST! www.DrCBrown.com and www.MyCoachDrCindyBrown.com

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